“They Judged Me Without Knowing My Story”, the Experience of Josiane Noubossi Ngaffo

Josiane Noubossi Ngaffo, a healthcare professional originally from Cameroon, moved to the United States twelve years ago. In 2024, after years of emotional hardship, she made the difficult decision to file for divorce. Her marriage had become deeply unfulfilling, and though her ex-husband was displeased by her decision, Josiane believed his disappointment stemmed not from love—but from control. “He thought he owned me,” she says.

Determined and resolute, Josiane stood by her decision. However, the aftermath was not just a personal battle—it quickly became a community spectacle. Within the Cameroonian community in the U.S., her divorce became the subject of whispers, rumors, and judgment.

While she expected resistance from men, who often side with their peers in such situations, what truly shocked and saddened her was the response from other African women. Instead of empathy, Josiane encountered harsh judgment. Few asked for her perspective. Those who did simply told her they were “against divorce.” Some even pretended to support her, only to relay private conversations to her ex-husband.

“People accused me of becoming ‘Americanized’—as if wanting dignity, safety, and peace made me somehow un-African,” Josiane shared. Common narratives painted her as someone who had “grown wings” thanks to U.S. laws, and no longer wanted to be submissive. It’s a criticism many immigrant women face—caught between cultural expectations and the freedoms of their new environment.

Amid the hurt, a few stood by her. A handful of African friends offered true solidarity, while African American and Caucasian friends showed genuine care, empathy, and support throughout the process.

Josiane’s experience prompted her to reflect more broadly on the state of sisterhood among African women. “It’s heartbreaking to see how quick we are to judge each other,” she says. “When a woman is suffering, it should be other women who uplift her—not tear her down.”

Her message is clear: divorce is a personal decision, and unless you’ve lived someone’s pain, you are not in a position to judge it. Gossip and betrayal only add to the emotional toll.

“Dear African women,” she pleads, “let’s choose love and support over judgment. Let’s stop gossiping and start showing up for one another during life’s hardest moments. God is the only true judge.”

Josiane’s story is not just about a broken marriage—it is about broken trust, cultural silence, and the healing that comes when women decide to truly stand with each other.